20 March 2009

i knew they'd think i was weird

Their faces sort of dropped. They made me feel peculiar and I fidgeted and re-crossed my legs in front of me. We all sat quietly and they both stared at me for several seconds with that fallen expression. I could almost see my words lingering, hovering over our heads, taunting me and making me wish i could stuff them back inside my mouth and deep into the place I had kept them secret for so long.

"You mean your sister isn't really your sister?" Anabel asked as she passed the hand held mirror and tube of lipstick we were taking turns applying.

"She is, I mean, we don't have the same dad, but we're really close and that never really mattered to us anyway."

Vanessa grabbed the items and held the mirror up to her face. She uncapped the lipstick and began rubbing it in large circles all around her mouth. The lipstick was an orange-red that made a mockery of her olive-toned skin. She stopped applying the lipstick for a moment and looked at me intensely and said, "You know, I never thought you looked like your dad. It all makes sense now."

"No, my dad is my dad, my dad is not my sister's dad. My mom was married to my sister's dad before she met my dad."

"Oh, I just never thought you looked like anyone in your family," Vanessa said and she turned her attention back to the image in the mirror and smacked her lips and rolled the waxy color with dramatic undulations of her mouth.

She held out the lipstick and mirror once her vanity had been satisfied and I grabbed it and set it down in front of me. I wasn't in the mood for dress-up anymore. I imagined Anabel and Vanessa going back to school on Monday and telling the entire 6th grade that I come from a dysfunctional and weird family. That my sibling isn't at all who I say she is and that my mother is a whore. That the reason I'm so skinny and flat-chested is because i come from a broken home. I can see the mean boys in school laughing at me from the back row in math class tossing spit wads in my hair and calling me names. They already did anyway.

"You know, a lot of people have step sisters and step brothers," I said.
"Yeah, i know. it's just a little weird because we had no idea," Anabel said.

I knew they'd think i was weird.

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